That’s the sound Evan’s heart makes. So different from my own thump thump. I heard his heartbeat for the first time yesterday while getting him checked out at the doctor’s office. I don’t know why I have never asked to hear it before – every doctor and nurse we’ve encountered wants a chance to listen to the washing machine sounds pumping from his chest. He’s like a little celebrity, with health care workers flocking to hear his “incredibly loud and turbulent” murmur. After listening through the stethoscope, I can understand why – his murmur is so easy to hear, there’s no mistaking it. Yet if it wasn’t for his murmur, you’d never know he has heart defects. He makes it so easy to forget his looming open-heart surgery.
But sometimes, I don’t forget. I think about what the future holds for our little man. I worry that I’m too gentle with him. I worry I’m not gentle enough. I worry I treat him differently than Kate. I worry I put his needs before hers. Honestly, I think I worry too much.
These seven months have flown by. Just like we expected they would. Lack of sleep seems to make time move faster. As the twins cruise through their milestones, Addie has developed a deep adoration of them both. There were moments when they first came home that she was unsure about sharing us with them, but the jealousy seems to have faded away, replaced by a doting sister. (The fact that they are a captive audience for her “shows” seems to have helped with that transition.) Not too long ago, Addie asked us if she could change her name to, “big sister.”
As much as Addie loves the twins, they love her back tenfold. All she needs to do is walk into a room, and they both light up with smiles, giggles, and wiggles. Just her presence calms them down.
This past Monday marked another big milestone for us as a family – Kendra returned to work full-time. My mom is staying with the twins during the day. She likes to call herself the “granny nanny.” Addie spent last year with my mom, and I am so happy the twins get to be with her this year. There’s nothing like knowing your kids are safe and happy with their Dee Dee.
This latest transition, like Evan’s heartbeat, is a bit messy and turbulent. Yet we are quickly discovering how to adjust and compensate for the changes. We don’t have it all figured out… and we probably never will. But that’s okay, because no matter what the future holds, right now is where we are. And here is a pretty awesome place to be.